The Giant, Killer Pizza

My six-year-old brother wrote a story about a giant, killer pizza. Strangely, this is not the first time I have ever heard mention of the possible existence of just such a murderous pie. This leads me to suspect that perhaps the thing really exists. Not a pretty thought.

However, in the interest of being prepared, here are some ways to tell if you are about to be attacked by a giant, killer pizza:

1) You hear the distinct whir of a pizza slicer behind you.
2) You mention for the 500th time that you are lactose intolerant. Guess what. The giant, killer pizza is YOU intolerant.
3) You are in a bad part of town and forgot to bring with your trusty, wood-burning oven as defense.
4) You hear instrumental Italian music starting up and you can hear fat men screaming.
5) Someone says to you, "Look out! Pizza at three o'clock!"
6) You have just taunted or teased a giant, killer pizza.